he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
