Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
