The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
