I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm too high and old for this...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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