I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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