I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My balls are so social today.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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