Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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