i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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