Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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