I am puke
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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