Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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