wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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