I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They took my balls.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize