I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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