do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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