i jhust puked up my retainher.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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