This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
