I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
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Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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