'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
