You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
