He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
