Me too!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
