i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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