I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
