i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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