guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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