His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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