Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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