There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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