His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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