and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
