By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
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My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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