I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My vagina just clenched in fear
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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