I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They took my balls.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
