Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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