I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize