you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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