i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
