We're like a lot better than the average bears
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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