Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
