Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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