I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We are two peas in an std pod
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
