he thought i was a dude.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
