I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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