so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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