Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?