I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist