Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
