Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
