I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
