Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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