You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
