It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
