My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Success! We fucked roommates!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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