you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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