Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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