Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
