She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
