I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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