You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
