he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize