The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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