My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
