...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
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I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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