fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have aggressive nipples.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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