walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
