Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
